Apology
by La Femme Fatale
Summary: This is a sequel to Up after Hours. It might be helpful to read UAH first.(Ss/Sb SLASH!) ~I'm back! ff.net cannot stop me anymore!~
1. Default Chapter

Apology

The story 'Apology' is named such for two reasons. It is, apart from Sirius' apology to Severus (and the other way around), my apology to you people.

A/N: I promised I would write a sequel to Up After Hours and here it is. I was actually a bit afraid of people really going to kill me *coughcoughmegouchgouch* for what my hands wrote for the third chapter of the story mentioned above. (I still have no idea as to how did that happen) and I hope you will forgive me for my reckless hands. 

Ps. I'm still so very, really, truly, extremely paranoid and I'm sure my little sister's Christmas ornaments are planning my murder. Hey, I'm serious! The light-bulb-angel-thingy (You know, those lit-up plastic things you put on your window glass) detaches from the window whenever I step into the room and then there is the Santa ornament I made in a ornament class two years or so ago. I'm sure the friendly smile I painted on him is a vicious grimace nowadays. I have locked it in the highest shelve of my closet, but it keeps telling me that sooner or later, I'm going to need something from my closet. I suppose I can't be going around in the same clothes third week in a row. If I don't seem to be updating anything in a week, you can suspect they finally got me. 

---

Dumbledore watched, with a trace of apprehension on his face, as Snape swept wordlessly after Sirius. (I copied it down from the book, duh!)

Snape's face, however, wore no fear, as he had learnt to wipe his heart and mind clear from every emotion that had the ability to hurt him. All this due to a regrettable incident that… No, he could not think about it.

_Keeping on walking. Concentrating on the beating of my heart, keeping my mind calm and my actions completely under control. Concentrating on the beating of my heart – And just why does the accursed thing seem to think it's a drum? He realized his thoughts were trailing off, and as he couldn't get a hold of his actions anymore, he was waiting for a chill to go up his spine, a little something he had managed not to experience in quite some years. Not after – no, no, NO! he couldn't let himself think about it again. He had come dangerously near to it in the shrieking shag about a year ago, but he had managed to stay calm, to concentrate on his heart's beating. The chill never came. Instead, he felt how his hands started to tremble. His normally so long, fast steps had been reduced to unsure and short moves of his feet. Yet he was not afraid of continuing spying on Voldemort. It was something else. He had not as near as hit Sirius for sixteen years (A/N: My personal idea of how long it's been since their seventh year), let alone shook hands with the man, let alone hugged him or –_

_No! he thought, as the panic struck him and he shook his head, violently, __Don't think about it! Think about something else! How about…Voldemort. Yeah, that's it. Think about how to explain your absence tonight. Anything but the touch of his soft lips against my own... By the time he realized what he had been thinking, it was already too late. His eyes had become moist and he found it hard to see where he was going. He proceeded to wipe his eyes, and almost tripped over a large black dog. _

"You're still here?" he asked. The dog gave him an unreadable look, dug his teeth into Severus' robes, and started dragging him to a shadowy corner. Once there, Severus opened the wall with a simple wave of his wand and they stepped inside. Sirius changed back to a man. He looked around the dusty room, which was no more than a mere hole in the wall.

"When was the last time this place was cleaned?" he inquired as he swept his index finger on the floor and got an impressive layer of dust on it.

"Six – sixteen years ago." Severus answered. His speech wasn't of the cool, steady and distant kind he had developed during those past years, nor was it the tender, calculating voice he had recognized as his own before he'd started keeping his distance like the Slytherin he was. It was the voice of a broken man, trembling, dying in powerless whispers or occasionally trailing off to nothingness. It was the agonised voice of newfound tenderness from deep within; Something he'd never expected to hear in his own words again. Something he had been holding back for so long it had eventually stopped struggling and he'd suspected it to be long since dead. There was an awkward silence between the two after these words.

"I'm sorry I judged you back then, Severus", Sirius suddenly said, "After being a friend with a werewolf for six and a half years I should have known better. I don't know what got into me." Severus looked up to see Sirius staring at his feet. "And – thank you." he added. Hesitantly.

"For what?"

"For – for helping me. I really acted like a jerk. You'd just saved me from being turned into a werewolf and this is how I thanked you", his voice was now the same as Severus', "This is how I thanked you for the trust you gave me. For the trust I would never have deserved. I would have been better off as a werewolf."

"At least you didn't turn me in", Severus said quietly and lowered his gaze, "We – we really should get going. You know how urgent our errands are." Severus looked up and what he saw was enough to make his heart jump. Sirius was holding up a very small time-turner, tied on a leather lace around Sirius' neck.

"You wouldn't –" Severus started, but as he saw the smile playing on Sirius' lips – as he saw Sirius' lips – his eyes catching a glimpse of amusement in the animagi's eyes, "...Or would you?" He then asked, allowing a small smile for himself, as well. He knew everything was lost now, there was no reason to hold back his feelings anymore. Sirius merely nodded. He let the time-turner fall out of his hands and his smile widened. Severus, on the other hand, smiled in a rather mysterious manner and pushed Sirius against the far back wall, except for that Sirius wasn't pushed _against the wall, but much more like __through it. He soon found himself in a rather cozy-looking bedchamber._

"Yours?" he asked, although he already knew what the answer would be.

"Mine", Severus agreed.

---

Me: There you go. I was going to put some more stuff in, but the action and the conversation will be in the next chapter, as I was eager to put this up before certain _things_ could happen. *glaring at her hands*

Left hand: Yeah, right. Look at who's talking. Like WE had brains to change her writing.

Right hand: She just can't handle any responsibility. I say we go to strike.

Me: You can't do that to me!

Left: Talking to her hands. She's a nutcase.

Right: You're telling me. Back when she wrote on paper with pen and drew a lot (which she still does too much, anyway), she got me a carpal tunnel syndrome! I had to wear casts for three firiggin' weeks!

Left: But during that time she used me instead of you. The teachers in her school _could_ have given her permission to do her homework on computer and print it on separate paper, but noooo, she just had to write and even DRAW with me!

Me:Enough!

Right: Have you noticed how she seems completely off her rocker this time around?

Left: As stated above, she's a nutcase.


	2. Chapter two

Apology

Chapter two

A/N: I'm so sorry it took so long, but I had a temporary writer's block (the kind during which you could write if you could pry your eyes off the stories other people write) and I have to admit that I was having hard time with ff.net's rules. They sent me e-mail, that said I was not allowed to update for a period of time, due to some rule-breaking (and I still don't have a clue as t what did I do!) so I could not post this right when it was done.

  I have also been e-mailed about this story or Up After Hours. They said Sirius is not gay (such a strong and plaguing word, isn't it?), nor is none of the marauders, and that they didn't know about Snape. Well, I say that I have the every right to assume Severus and Sirius do love each other. Besides, I think it is natural, somehow. I believe most of the men belong to each other and that most of women belong to nobody. Of course I have nothing against love between two females, but I find male/male romances so much more amusing. I like them and I'm sorry if that offends you. I'm just wondering why are you reading this if it does, that's all. It's not like I'm making you or anything.

I want to point out that as I wrote most of this chapter, I was high on painkillers. (I have a chronic headache and I live mostly on painkillers)

I've solved the Einstein's problem. You know, the question is: Who has the fish? Five houses with inhabitants of five nationalities and so on. Well, Einstein himself claimed that 98% of the world's population could not solve it, and at least I could. I checked it three times and had one of my friends check it, too. 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I'm relieved that I'm not J. K. Rowling however persistent the little green men keep telling me I am. (I believe they're a little green because they ate something from the far back of our refrigerator) 

---

"Warp portal", Sirius observed the wall he'd just come through, "Clever, I must say."

"Thank you", Severus replied politely. It would appear he'd regained some of his self-control now. His eyes were void of emotion and Sirius remembered how, unlike many other people, Severus had the capability to conceal his emotions even in his eyes and couldn't help but wonder if that had something to do with his vampire blood. With this thought came the memory of the urge of embracing Severus as if never to let go when they both had been just seventh years. Back then he had fought down the urge, but now he did something that might have saved their relationship years back, he caught Severus in his arms and held him so tightly Severus wouldn't had any change of escape even if he'd tried. Instead of trying to squiggle away he returned the embrace. Sirius suddenly felt something wet fall on his cheek.

_Hopefully he doesn't notice I'm crying_, Sirius thought, and that's when the realization struck him; It was not only him crying, Severus' tears were falling on his face as well. It would have looked very amusing as they stood there. Two equally tall men, embracing each other, cheek to cheek, crying for no obvious reason, but Sirius didn't find it the least bit funny. He found it touching that Severus was able to cry with him around, something quite some people probably thought the potions master wasn't even capable of doing. Sirius held him even more tightly, sobbing quietly and brushing Severus' hair with his hand. He had never really done before, and he was a little surprised to find out it didn't feel half as greasy as it looked. It felt silky and smooth. The only explanation was that it was so fine hair it shined with grease-like slickness. He turned his head slightly and buried his face into the dark locks and inhaled. Severus sobbed, but not like before. This was not a voice of anger towards himself, but something between a sob and a sigh, however impossible the thought sounded to him, it was a voice made by the man the wizarding world thought of as the coldest, most distant man on the face of the earth, save Voldemort, of course. He was breathing Severus Snape and he enjoyed it. He felt the hands on his back move and pull him, if possible, even closer.

Severus embraced Sirius tightly, but still he felt it was not tight enough. He remembered when they'd met in the Shrieking Shag a year or so ago. He had seen the tortured face; how the skin had clung to his skull like there was nothing in between. The animagus was nothing like he used to be. And as it appeared, had really withstood Azkaban. To Severus it could only have meant one thing back then; His painful memories were not painful enough. Not the death of Potters, not the fact he had supposedly killed twelve muggles, and not the memory of their break-up. He had wondered, even if not for more than a millisecond, whether Sirius really had been, or still was a death eater, but had discard the theory as an impossible. And now Sirius Black, the very same Sirius Black who had lured him into the Shrieking Shag in their sixth year and nearly killed him in process, the very same Sirius Black who had been pulling various more or less dangerous pranks on him, and the very same Sirius Black who had kissed him like never to stop and then dumped him, was now holding him as close as he could. Talk about changeful personality. He pulled back from the embrace and just stood there, studying the other man's face. It was wet from their mixed tears, pale from living underground for the past year and in prison the twelve before. But something in those eyes had said 'You!' When Severus had pulled off Potter's invisibility cloak. It had taken all the darkness within, all the refused hatred without, and every last piece of self-control Severus had to not to either kill or kiss Sirius right then and there.

"Severus…" Sirius whispered into his ear, "…I can't do it tonight." 

"Neither could I", Severus said. His words flowed like liquid silk. It was one of the most beautiful things Sirius had ever heard.

"Then… could we talk?" Sirius suggested.

"Yes, we need to talk", Severus said and he guided Sirius to a comfortable sofa, where the two settled, holding on to each other. Severus leaned back and Sirius laid hi head down on Severus's chest. They both closed their eyes.

"Severus", Sirius whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry I judged you."

"You told me that already, Sirius. I forgive you, if you forgive me for not telling you in the beginning."

"I think I owe you an explanation", Sirius continued, "I'm not going to deny that I was an idiot. I was raised a muggle, as you know. I was always told that werewolves might not want to be what they were, but they couldn't help it. On the other hand, my muggle aunt, who was very superstitious, used to say that vampires could just stop drinking people's blood. Of course she never compared them like that, but I think that's how I must have thought. I realize now how stupid it was, for I also believed that a vampire could not live without blood. I would have wished them all dead." Sirius was biting back tears. Oh, how many times he'd thought about it in Azkaban. How many times he would stop to think what kind of life they could have shared if it wasn't for his stupidity. But he didn't want to start crying again.

"You wouldn't believe how many times I have hoped I could just stop breathing and be no more", Severus did sound like he was crying, "How many time's I have attempted suicide", Sirius opened his eyes and raised his head in level with Severus's.

"I don't want to know", he said. Words had never been so hard to utter for him before, "But promise me you will never try it again."

"I'm afraid I can not promise you such thing. But I will promise I won't try it as long as I have you by my side." Severus said. Sirius smiled and leaned down for a kiss.

"Deal", he said, "And trust me, it'll take much more than Avada Kedavra to separate me from you again." He replaced himself on Severus's chest and wrapped his arms around the other man.

"I didn't really listen what you told me back then", Sirius sobbed, " I mean, I did listen, but I didn't… I heard the words, but… I just couldn't… Couldn't understand a word you told me. It's like you were talking in a different language. A language I thought I understood. Oh, how wrong I was, Severus! It took me twelve years in Azkaban to figure out what you had said. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I already have", Severus answered, "I forgave you when I realized you were suffering in Azkaban. I was being childish. I wanted you to hurt. Will you forgive me for that?"

"I deserved it. I hurt you. And I think I hurt you badly. If not by leaving you, by doing so because of what you were, rather that who you were. That should be all that counts, all that matters",

"For years", Severus swallowed, "*I* judged *you* by your friends, your house, your looks. A heartbreaker-Gryffindor, that's what you were to me. Only another one I could not have among so many others. But you were one that I felt I could not live without." 

"You don't need to. And do not for a second think I did not think you were nothing more than a greasy Slytherin. Of course, you mean a lot more to me now, and I can not bear the thought of losing you, so promise me, if there is any chance that Voldemort knows about you, you will not go to him and risk your life, that you will not try to act hero. That is the job to be left to us Gryffindors."

"And so I will leave it to Gryffindors. I love you, Sirius Black. It would be a lie to say that I always have, not to mention how clichéd it would be, but I love you now, and I hope it is enough", Severus gently stroked Sirius's hair. At that moment, a silence of a rare kind enveloped them. Sirius caressed Severus's cheek with his fingers, and the two shed silent tears for mutual agreement for the longest time. It was almost morning, when they moved to Severus's office, used the time-turner, and proceeded to their own ways, knowing it would be long time until they would see each other again.

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I almost made myself cry… Hope you found it as beautiful as it was meant to be.


End file.
